Mama Bear (without the sore head)

I've been quiet for a while but still sober and still feeling the benefits. I'm actually kind of glad I fell off the wagon at the start of lockdown - it helped me realise how toxic alcohol really was for me and has made it easier to resist the temptations this time round. I'm still kind of scared of the thought of never drinking again. I don't know what there is to be scared of - it just seems like a big leap, but at the same time I don't want to ever feel the negative effects of alcohol again. In some ways lockdown is making sobriety easier. Once I got over the initial hurdle of the first couple of weeks, it's been pretty easy to help myself to an alcohol free drink at home and I'm becoming pretty accustomed to the taste and still get that sense of relief at the end of the day. Interestingly I will often only have 1 or 2 and then move to water or tea (or hot chocolate) whereas I could never stop at 1 or 2 when I was drinking. I do still miss whiskey though....

Back from school Brothers reunited Last year my actual birthday was a bit of a washout. I'd had a party the night before as it was the big 4-0 and so was ridiculously hungover I just lounged on the sofa most the day. I have to confess I don't remember a lot about the party. I'm sure I had a good time but 2 things I do remember were feeling super anxious beforehand and during the party swapping my glass for a bigger one so I didn't have to keep filling it up so many times. Of course there were good memories too but I do remember feeling overwhelmed by anxiety about how I looked, whether everything would go ok etc etc.  This year could not be more different. It's a birthday in lockdown so could easily have been challenging, but I really am having the best of days. It was Harry's first day back at school and it was lovely to walk him to school in the sunshine and enjoy a little 1:1 time with him. Then home for an hours nap as William had decided to elongate my birt...