Mama Bear (without the sore head)

Today is a mini milestone - I am 2 weeks 100% sober. It feels good. In some ways it's been a lot easier than previous attempts. I don't feel like I'm white knuckling this time. I've had cravings but they've been fleeting. I've craved sugar but no where near like I did last time. I don't feel so deprived.  I guess I know what to expect this time round. On the other hand it's felt like a long 2 weeks. In the UK we are back in our 3rd lockdown, the weather is terrible and it all feels super tough. I'm tired. I know I'm not alone feeling like this and so I'm trying to put things in perspective. It's not helped my rollercoaster of moods though. I say rollercoaster but I'm not sure it's even that. That implies there are highs and lows but actually overall I'm feeling pretty fed up. Within that there is this growing sliver of light which is my sobriety and the strength I'm getting from it. I'm slowly starting to see things in...

There's many things that I've discovered alcohol has robbed from me.....clear memories, countless nights of anxiety free sleep, youthful hair & complexion, not to mention the friends that either got fed up of me or that I pushed away due to my own paranoia/anxiety. One of the most surprising things though was time. As a full time working mum of 2 young boys I never expected to have much time to myself, but over the past few years I've felt like not only do I have no time for myself, but no time just to keep all the household stuff ticking over. Getting bills paid, washing done and put away, house kept clean & tidy all feels like a monumental task. Any then there's the other stuff I want/need to get done - decorating, selling old stuff. It's always felt totally impossible to get anywhere near to ticking off my to-do list. But each time I quit drinking I suddenly find I have more time. Evenings which used to be spent half comatose on the sofa - feeling too tir...

Promises promises...... I seem to recall in my last post I promised to blog more often, well that was back in August 2020 so I think a big sorry is in order! In the spirit of my new approach of self forgiveness I'm not going to beat myself up about it but it's fair to look back on what happened. Quite simply, life happened.  2020 will go down in history as an extraordinary year. The year that the Coronavirus pandemic swept the world and life changed - I expect, in some ways, forever. In all honesty I can't really remember what the various ups and down of the past 5 months have been but it's fair to say I haven't been 100% sober! Far from it over the xmas period for sure. But in a way it's understandable. Sure there's the obvious reasons of trying to juggle work, kids, a global pandemic, Boris cancelling Christmas, cancelled holidays etc etc.....but it was more than that.  Last year when I made the decision to quit alcohol it was because I knew I needed to . ...