2 weeks sober!

Today is a mini milestone - I am 2 weeks 100% sober. It feels good.

In some ways it's been a lot easier than previous attempts. I don't feel like I'm white knuckling this time. I've had cravings but they've been fleeting. I've craved sugar but no where near like I did last time. I don't feel so deprived.  I guess I know what to expect this time round.

On the other hand it's felt like a long 2 weeks. In the UK we are back in our 3rd lockdown, the weather is terrible and it all feels super tough. I'm tired. I know I'm not alone feeling like this and so I'm trying to put things in perspective. It's not helped my rollercoaster of moods though. I say rollercoaster but I'm not sure it's even that. That implies there are highs and lows but actually overall I'm feeling pretty fed up. Within that there is this growing sliver of light which is my sobriety and the strength I'm getting from it. I'm slowly starting to see things in a different light. I'm starting to see (and critically believe) the path to happiness that for so long has felt blocked off. 

I'm still struggling to know how to walk that path (mostly due to tiredness) so I'm trying to be patient. I'm trying to take baby steps. That's the bit I'm finding hard. I'm an instant gratification kind of person. I impulse buy, I want immediate results, I want things done now. But unfortunately that's not really an option when you are trying to turn your life round. It's like untangling the christmas lights - it takes patience to slowly detangle everything. I am trying to remember that!

Until next time

SMB xx

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