Winter Solstice - The light is coming back

I started this blog in 2020, pre-pandemic. If I'm honest that was the start of my turnaround. I was heading down the wrong path at a hurtling speed. Depressed, overweight, inactive and numbing life out with food and booze. In the January I broke. I got signed off from work and was forced to start looking at making changes. When I read back over the past 5 years of sporadic blogs, it would be easy to see it as failure. How many Day 1's? How many times have I gone in the same circle? But it's not failure because I'm changing, I have changed. And it's largely down to the work I've been putting into myself over the past 5 years.

I should say it's been a tough period. Not wanting to minimize any thing but I've lost my mum to a sudden and wholly avoidable case of pneumonia, lost both of my cats who have been with me most my adult life, got an autism diagnosis for my youngest with all the worry that brings, and had my own health issues with high blood pressure and cardiology complications. Phew, when you look back at that, it's no wonder I've been struggling!

At 46 there's an overwhelming feeling that I'm past the halfway point of life. In reality I may well be well past that; after all women in my family don't tend to live to grand old ages, but I'm not going to dwell on that! I have a sense that I want to get to 90, I want to be the one who bucks the family trend, but more than anything I want to live a better second half.

I have so many regrets from the past 46 years, and that's something I'm working on. Living in regrets of the past isn't going to help me move forwards, so I need to let go whilst learning and moving forwards. And now feels like a good time to pick up this blog again.

Right now I’m sat watching the sunset in Tenerife on the winter solstice……the day when the balance tips back between light and dark and the days start getting longer again. It’s a place where I’ve spent many Christmases over the past 30 years. Not one holiday has past when I haven’t sat on the sun lounger planning my new regime for the following year - less booze, better diet, more exercise etc etc etc……all the while swigging down another glass of wine and some more ice cream!

But this year is different. This morning I started the day with some yoga on the balcony and some fruit and yoghurt for breakfast. I am clear and sober. I still have a long way to go to living the fit and healthy lifestyle I want but this time I’m doing it now - not waiting for the new year to come and being back in the cold and rain!

So as the sun sets on this winter solstice, I’m looking inwards and knowing that the light is growing from the darkness in me too - brighter days are definitely ahead.