3rd time lucky!


Promises promises...... I seem to recall in my last post I promised to blog more often, well that was back in August 2020 so I think a big sorry is in order! In the spirit of my new approach of self forgiveness I'm not going to beat myself up about it but it's fair to look back on what happened. Quite simply, life happened. 

2020 will go down in history as an extraordinary year. The year that the Coronavirus pandemic swept the world and life changed - I expect, in some ways, forever.

In all honesty I can't really remember what the various ups and down of the past 5 months have been but it's fair to say I haven't been 100% sober! Far from it over the xmas period for sure. But in a way it's understandable. Sure there's the obvious reasons of trying to juggle work, kids, a global pandemic, Boris cancelling Christmas, cancelled holidays etc etc.....but it was more than that. 

Last year when I made the decision to quit alcohol it was because I knew I needed to. I didn't really want to. I couldn't comprehend the idea of life forever after without alcohol, and as the festive season approached I decided I didn't want a sober Christmas. I guess in the back of my mind I thought I could get it under control and then just have the occasional drink. Well the last few months have proved quite simply that I can't. What's more, I no longer want to.

I guess you might ask......why the hell not?! Well here's just a few reasons:

  • It completely screws up my mental health. In every way - I'm snappy, angry, guilty, anxious, depressed all rolled in to one. In a word I feel shit!

  • It causes issues in my relationship. You don't have to be an expert to see the pattern....hubby and I drink and we argue, snap and generally have a rubbish time. We both stop drinking and suddenly we actually enjoy each others' company. Sure we disagree on things but it's different. It's normal.

  • It makes me look old. My hair, skin, weight all get worse when I drink. Now I'll be honest none of them are great anyway. Years of abusing my body have taken their toll but I am trying to slowly step by step turn that around and quitting alcohol is a great start as it tends to be the catalyst for a lot of other bad behaviours.

  • Finally the strangest one of all for me - I hate the way alcohol makes me feel. Even if it's not full blown drunk, even the feeling of being tipsy is no longer pleasant. And I get horrid hot flushes with the first few sips (maybe that's my age!!)

So here we are in January 2021 (which to be fair hasn't been great so far - lockdown, Brexit, Trump chaos, work crap and anxiety levels through the roof) but I am sober - again! And this time it feels different. 

This time it's a choice to be sober and if I never have an alcoholic drink again then I'm ok with that. I'm only 10 days in but the cravings are nothing like before. Sure I get the occasional twinge but in the main I've been really enjoying the A/F drinks (which as a bonus are all on offer due to Dry January!) and feeling pleased that on top of all the other crap the past couple of weeks have dealt me, I'm not having to deal with a hangover too!

So here's to 3rd time lucky......I've got a good feeling about this one :-)

SMB xx

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