#Fail


Why oh why! It was only day 2 and I caved in already. Whisky whisky whisky last night - lots of it. I managed to get through the evening and batter down the wine witch but then the whisky got the better of me. "Just one nightcap" I thought to myself "better to wean yourself off it slowly than go cold turkey". Dear god when will I learn! 

But just for me to remember, here's what happened......I poured a large whisky before I went up to watch tv in bed and had downed 1/2 of it before I even left the kitchen (and topped it back up of course). I then binge ate 4 packets of crisps, 2 cake bars and 2 slices of white bread & butter - together with a couple more whiskies. I nearly picked a fight with the village Facebook troll (fortunately my husband talked me out of it) and I woke up this morning with the same feelings of remorse as always. Sure it did help the PMT pain I had but quite frankly so would a couple of paracetamol & a hot chocolate. 

So let's try again today - one step at a time and all that. I'm going to congratulate myself for avoiding the wine and pour the remainder of the whisky down the sink - right now.

One other change is that I have now told my husband about this blog (right now probably the only other person who will read it) but I was a little surprised by his reaction. He agreed with me. Now it's not just that this is a relatively rare occurrence :-) but more that almost everyone else I have told that I want to quit drinking has tried to persuade me not to. I've had every suggestion from only drinking at weekends / when I'm out / only gin and not wine /stopping for a bit to get it under control.......honestly the list goes on. It makes me wonder why and so far the ideas I've come up with are:

- I've done a miraculously good job of hiding my problems with alcohol so they don't know the true extent of how toxic it is for me
- They think I will become boring / a different person if I don't drink
- It somehow shines a brighter light on their drinking
- or maybe something else? Any ideas?!

It certainly does seem a pattern when you read any "quit lit" that the people around you often try to persuade you against quitting the booze for good. They would never do that if it was heroin or some other toxic substance, but somehow they do with alcohol and it's a really strange one to fathom. To be fair I haven't said to them directly that it's not very helpful them saying that (and maybe I should) but mostly tried to (unsuccessfully) convince them of why I need to. It always ends the same with them saying "oh well good luck - I couldn't do it". Well maybe I can't.....but I'm going to give it a damn good try. And do you know what, writing this blog (even if only me and the long suffering husband read it) is really helping.

SMB xx

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